This.  Is.  Happening.

So. After a lot of discussion, and a significant amount of drinking (mostly from our flasks, in public places) we decided we need to document our lives. For the working mothers like us. The men who think we are awesome (or whom we think should think we’re awesome). And the single women secretly coveting our lifestyle.

We’re kidding, of course. Sort of.

It’s the teaching our daughters why moms are allowed to use a curse word from time to time (and why they can’t until they are doing their own damn laundry). Getting them up, fed, dressed (so they don’t look homeless), and out the door with the lunches we lovingly packed with haste. Meanwhile we’re shoving on our heels as we hop into the car to take them to daycare/preschool/kindergarten, with the goal of making it to our desks before the boss arrives. All of this causing us to pull out our perfectly coiffed hair (just kidding, most days we’re lucky if we get a shower in) that made us realize that our lives are fucking hilarious. Well, at least we see the humor (or we’d lose what is left of our sanity).

Disclaimer: The blog you are about to follow (trust us, you want to) isn’t going to be PC. It might rub a few people the wrong way.  If you can’t handle a fair amount of foul language, sarcasm, and telling things like they truly fucking are in the biggest small town in Minnesota, then thanks for checking us out, but this isn’t the place for you.  On the other hand, if you like what you’re reading, please share us with your friends!

-H&N

I’m H.

I’m a Leo (which is the perfect cocktail of stubborn, over-dramatic, fiercely loyal, generous, and awesome).

I’m a full-time working gal. I’m a mama of two divalicious little girls. I have a hubster. I have an 80 pound dog who, until recently, was more like a bucking bronco. Together they make up my family and are my biggest fan club (most days…I think?). And they are the reason I’m vodka’s biggest fan.

I’m creative. I have a sense of humor. And? If you don’t have one, we probably won’t get along.

I have fabulous friends. I stand up for things I believe in. I recycle.

I like to wear dresses and heels. I enjoy the smell of basil.

I love listening to sounds of nature when the night is still…except I can do without bugs. I hate bugs – especially mosquitos – and those little assholes love me.

I like to talk and write. Sometimes I even have brilliant things to say.

And I’m N.  

Also known as “Mom” to a fearless preschooler who loves to ask questions.  And repeat inappropriate comments that occasionally slip out of my mouth.  She wants to be just like me.  This is frightening.

Her dad and I recently “made it official” and tied the knot.  He’s a stud.  Races motorcycles, builds big things, and chills me the eff out when I start getting out of control.  My rock.

I’m a small town girl at heart, but I think I’ve come a long way.  I find peace in big open spaces with the night sky twinkling back at me.  I embrace the change of each season and can’t imagine living anywhere that doesn’t experience all four.

I love throwing parties and will find any excuse to do so. Bacon is always on the menu.  Right now I’m working more than my share of full-time doing just that (and a hell of a lot more) for a local nonprofit.  Several of these events involve cocktails.  Coincidence?  No way.

I am of the belief that I can do all things better after having a drink.  Which is why my flask is never far from reach.

Together, we are adventurous. We like to travel. And when we do, we bring a flask.

Welcome to the Tales of the Traveling Flask.